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Fulmer Cup

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The Fulmer Cup Edit

The Fulmer Cup is awarded prior to the start of the regular season to the college football program whose players, during the off-season, collectively accumulate the most points; points are assigned for negative law enforcement contacts (a.k.a arrests,) and are scaled for severity of alleged offense. The Arkansas Razorbacks "won" the 2012 Fulmer Cup, and their victory represents a three-peat for the Southeastern Conference (ESS EEE SEE SPEED!!!) The Cup is overseen by Boardmaster Brian, Reggie Nelson, and their enormous penises, and was named in honor of the largest unemployed head coach not named "Mangino."

RulesEdit

To be eligible for Fulmer Cup points, a player must, a) be on the program's roster (no alumni or verbal commitments,) and, b) commit the offense(s) during the off-season.

Points are assessed based upon the severity of each alleged offense, on a scale of 1 (for "drankin', suspended license, and assorted petty misdemeanors") to 5 for murder, and we assume, sassing Aunt Stabby. Points are accumulative, and thus a player who steals a pig (petit theft, 1 point) then a car (3 points,) sexually assualts said pig (beastiality, 4 points) before drunkingly wrecking the stolen vehicle (DUI, 2 points) would be assessed a total of 10 points. In said hypothetical scenario, it is assumed the player would cover the bond by hocking his 2007 national championship ring, and thus be out in time for his parish's Mardi Gras festivities.

Past WinnersEdit

2013 Vanderbilt Commodores *Never officially awarded.  Can be considered vacated.

2012 Arkansas Razorbacks

2011 Auburn Tigers

2010 Georgia Bulldogs

2009 South Florida Bulls

2008 Alabama Crimson Tide

2007 Illinois Illini

2006 Marshall Thundering Herd

Ellis T. Jones III AwardEdit

Prior to the summer of 2006, Ellis T. Jones III was a WR/DB of little reknown, enrolled at San Jose State, a school of even less reknown. One stun gun and double-digit felony arrests (and convictions) later, he became an EDSBS god. The Ellis T. Jones III Award is earned by the player who single handedly earns the most points for his university. However, the "Ellis T. Jones III Rule" states that no program that accumulates points based solely on the misdeeds of a single player is eligible for the Fulmer Cup.

Past RecipientsEdit

2012
2011 Troy Evans, Marshall
2010 Nigel Carr, FSU
2009 Trent Pupello, South Florida
2008 Jimmy John, Alabama
2007 Ronnie Wilson, Florida
2006 Ellis T. Jones, San Jose State

Switzer SlamEdit

The "Switzer Slam" is awarded to any program that wins the Fulmer Cup, national championship and Heisman Trophy in the same year, with a quarterback costing less than $250,000 (inflation adjusted). In 2011 Auburn became the first, and thus far only, recipient of the Switzer Slam. However, this title is disputed, as many believe Cam Newton cost more than $250,000.

External LinksEdit

Wikipedia

SAS Wiki

EDSBS (Fulmer Cup Scoring)

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