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Turfman's

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Schnellenberger

Turfman's, or Turfman Industries, is the maker of several fine products heartily endorsed by Howard Schnellenberger.

Products and ServicesEdit

Turfman produces the following necessities for the discriminating gentleman:

  • Leisure Scotch for Gentlemen
  • Sanitary Rubberized Personal Windsocks
  • Combination Pomade and Edible Fiber Spread for Tense Cowpokes
  • Aerosol Scotch
  • All-in-One Flare Gun and Dentifrice Dispenser
  • Constitutional Suppositories for Vim and Vigor
  • DUI-proof Vodka
  • Troll Food and Dermatological Abrasive
  • Iron Fortified Rust Flakes for the Iron Gentleman
  • Universal Dust of Pesticidal Nature and All-Natural Laxative for Husky Males
  • Long Term Life Insurance and Live Fowl of the Month Club
  • Adobo Paste and Revitalizing Corporeal Skin Creme
  • Oregon Heifer Feet Jerky Heel Lifts
  • Naval Jelly Spread, Moisturizer and Nutrition Spread
  • Rat Hammer
  • Onesies for Men
  • Edible Rosemary Suspenders
  • Wood Soap and Suntan Lotion
  • Blinding Powder and Seasoning for Various Street Fowl
  • Turkey Fryer and Infant Jacuzzi

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